To help you prepare for your constellation, it is helpful
to have in mind who belongs to your system and which important events have occurred to your kin. You may inquire and get addditional details by asking which stories were around…
Who belongs to your system, who could be important?
- These people are part of your system:
your own children, siblings, uncles and aunts, grandfathers and grandmothers and the siblings of those.
People who were excluded: the deceased ones who were never mourned, the disabled child who has been given away, the child out of wedlock who was not stood up for, the family’s “black sheep” like e.g. the gay uncle or the grandfather who was a notorious gambler etc.
Those who weren’t properly mourned for (miscarriages, aborted children, children who were given away, stillborn children etc.).
My experience shows that relatives from the offshoots, e.g. cousins, do not affect the Family Constellation dynamics.
Some people who are not blood-related may nevertheless belong and affect your system because they are tied into it in a special way:
- the former partners of parents and grandparents (e.g. the first love; the former fiancé; the father’s/mother’s first spouse)
- foster parents
- victims or perpetrators – even if they are not blood-related. A frequent context here is the parent’s /grandparent’s role during and after WWII. What was their role concerning the Nazis, concerning the resistance?
- those, whose death created a profit for the family
We are dealing with the energies from fateful events and severe perpetrations which could not dissolve and which keep affecting the living. Fateful events can be “bad luck” in any form: a stillborn child, miscarriage, abortion, sudden infant death, accident, severe disease, addiction, early death, suicide, committed or suffered murder and other crimes, domestic violence.
- events of WWII, e.g. displacement, expulsion, exodus
- generally: failure in life, in the profession, in love
- a personal, individual experience that was hard to take…
- disappointment, personal sufferings that life has presented…
Before and during the constellation these facts might be useful.